A couple of weeks before Christmas 1996 I was in a car giving a lift to someone in Golders Green. As we turned the corner of a residential road into Hoop Lane I saw an expanse of headstones. "That's Golders Green Cemetery isn't it" I asked, heart pounding. "Yep" came a reply but by then I had already remembered. Across the road from the cemetery, rather less conspicuous behind a tall red brick wall is the Jewish crematorium. The car park is the spot where I last saw Phil alive. I think I winked at him and said something like 'keep well' before he drove off with a wave. Seeing the place again for the first time was the deja vue of all time but I'm not so good at expressing myself when I need to; "Oh, that's the last place I saw my bruv" I said rather meekly and out of place in the conversation so that it was acknowledged but quickly forgotten.