The letters we received were a solace: replying was both painful and consoling. At this time humour was a very subordinate emotion. One felt that God was not interested in jokes and understood why the Bible is not a humorous book. Nevertheless, even now over a year later a few letters provoked a black, wry smile and in one case even some anger. Some people cut to the quick with a use of language that was precise and delicate. And some wrote a clumsy letter at first and followed it later with an exquisite gem. Those that were perhaps the most welcome were from people we hardly knew. Or were from people who knew Philip but were strangers to us. Why this should be I do not know for sure, in part it may be the generosity of spirit implicit in an unexpected letter, in part the realisation that there was more to Philip's life than we ourselves knew, the fact that he made a difference elsewhere. New letters still come, even now. Dear Geoff and Pam, Friday's service was very moving and there was a sense of total sympathy and understanding from everyone present. No one can feel the same pain and sorrow as you both and the family but we share in it for you. Perhaps it makes it a little easier to know that you do not face it all alone. You do not deserve this great tragedy but it must be some comfort to know that you could not have buried Philip with more love and affection. He deserved that and you gave it to him. I dearly hope that in time the pain will soften and the memories become kinder. Philip would want that and, as his friends said, he would ask you to 'smile a little.' We hold your hands across the gulf of existence and give you all the love and support we can offer, now and in the future. With our love, Dear Pam and Geoff, We were very sad to hear this evening, just after returning from a weekend in Hatch End with Brenda and Peter of the sudden death of your son Philip. We can only begin to imagine what you must be experiencing in terms of shock and sorrow - we have often said to each other that the loss of a child must be one of the most devastating bereavements one can suffer. We were talking to Sarah on the phone last week and she told us about the factory fire- you must be wondering what else 1995 has in store for you. However, we also hear on the grapevine that Sally is engaged and we are sure that that is a bright spot on the horizon for you and something good to hold on to. With our love and deepest sympathy to you both and to Joanna, Sally and Jonathan. Dear Pam & Geoff, We were very sad to hear the news of Philip's death, and send our love to try and offer some small measure of support in the coming months. It will not be easy to come to terms with the futility and waste you must feel at his early passing, but try to remember the good things that he brought to your life during his short stay on this earth. I believe we all come with a role to play in the scheme of things- a life lesson you would call it. I also believe that life continues beyond the physical, and those who have passed over, as Philip did, bear a great feeling of guilt and responsibility for the suffering they have caused their family. I hope that you can find it in your hearts to forgive him and release him from the burden of sorrow that must accompany him. I'd like to tell you a story of a situation we've become involved with since moving to Queensland. We have a clairvoyant working at our shop. A year or so ago she did a reading for a woman who believed her husband and three other men were drowned at sea in a small yacht off the east coast of Australia. During the reading it became clear to Marilyn that these men were not dead. A lot of people have been involved in trying to track the path of the life raft dropped to the men, and subsequently lost. Those involved are clairvoyants, astrologers, navigation experts etc., but the bulk of the clues are coming from "discarnate sources" The situation has reached a point where aircraft are to set out again- after five years- to try to find the three men believed still alive. One is thought to be "dead" even though information is also coming from him. The point is that the "dead" skipper of the boat- the "Rockin Robin" feels tremendous guilt that he's caused the hardship to his friends and family- and he's thought to be in self imposed limbo- unable to move on until the survivors are found. Guilt is holding him there. You may wonder at the point of all this - simply I feel it is that Philip needs to be assured that you can forgive him, thereby allowing him to move on in his growth. This is not easy for you all, I know as the emptiness and grief you are feeling is hard to bear. I have no idea how I would cope in similar circumstances- all I can do is to try and make clear my understanding of the situation, so please say a prayer for him if that is your way, or just talk to him and he will hear you. You may even become aware in some way of his thoughts. Our move to Queensland was unexpected and totally unplanned even as recently as March. I always felt there was a "reason" for the move- new experiences, perhaps, or a chance to "grow" in some way. I'm not sure I've discovered the exact reason, but at least the shop seems to be doing well financially and everyone seems pleased with the range of books etc. we have on offer. I wish you all peace and understanding, and we both send our love [Dear Pam, Since writing the enclosed letter I wondered whether I should send it or not. It's very much a statement of my feelings and beliefs and you and Geoff may find it inappropriate. If this is the case, I'm sorry. If however, you do feel comforted by it to any degree at all, I will feel I made the right decision to send it.] Dear Geoff and Pamela, Suzie and I were deeply saddened to hear the news. If there is anything I can do.....do call. (from Sunday 26/3 I am away until April 2nd.); I shall seek to bring back with me a little something in an attempt to hearten you both a little, but meanwhile "Courage" and "God bless"...mysterious these things. Dear Mr & Mrs Davis, Though we do not know each other, I hope you do not mind that I felt I had to write to you. My son James was in Philip's class at Haberdashers and went up to Birmingham at the same time, they were friends for many years. I was saddened by Philip's untimely passing, it is a tragedy and I just wanted to say that my and all my family's hearts go out to you at this terrible moment in your lives. I met Philip on a number of occasions over the years and always warmed to his lively personality and handsome looks. He was a very fine boy. His life was too short but hopefully it was a happy one. I hope that in time you will all find the strength to cope with this tragedy that has befallen your family. Yours sincerely Dear Pamela and Geoff, When you Geoff, rang me with the news of Philip's death I was shocked and devastated. Christine and I cannot really find any words or actions by us that will help you both live through this tragedy. Yes we will both send our prayers that you both will find the inner resources of strength and resolution to carry you through and beyond this situation. I say this as an agnostic. I have yet to come to terms with a number of my own fundamental doubts - but my knowledge of close friends leaves me in no doubt that they have roots buried in faith which gives them a peaceful resolution to face ordeals. I regret not being able to share this and I don't know how I would cope in a similar situation. But somehow it seems easier to pray for others and we will be thinking of you constantly in the weeks to come. The last nine months have seen us as witnesses to repeated tragedies with friends of our three children. In all cases they were friends of three young men who have taken their own lives. There was no obvious pattern - except that one common factor was links to drugs; in one case a young man had been found to be HIV positive. With all our children, they exist in a sub culture we do not pretend to understand. The issues of jobs, personal relationships, drug experimentation, have led to many young women and young men feeling isolated, cynical, in despair and disillusionment. Even those with apparent security seem not to have either sufficient time or motivation to render help to their own peer group. With all, there is a sense of us as parents being out of touch. We just don't know what extra support we can give them - or even know from day to day the minor crises they face which may ultimately build up into something which becomes unmanageable at one point in time. Immediately, you have a traumatic period ahead of you. We have found with the tragedies recently encountered by the parents of our children's friends that the resolution most people have to put a brave face on the arrangements for funerals, post-mortems and, or inquests, becomes sorely tried in the weeks or months that follow. Initially, there will be a long period of terrible flatness and we hope that through your church, your beliefs and your friends you will have care, love and support to carry you through. We now ask ourselves what can we do? If you both - or separately - feel like phoning us and simply talking then please do; if you feel you can write - and feel instinctively that you can share your anguish then please do write and we will reply as best we can. If it would help and you feel up to it, we could call on you for the day; go for a walk; and yes, talk about Philip. We are away in June, but could call between Easter and then. God Bless you both Dear Mr. and Mrs. Davies and family, This is just a short note to tell you how sorry I am to hear the sad news about Phil. I lived next door to Phil in the first year and he was a great friend. He was always popping in for a friendly chat, or keeping us entertained with his juggling. He would always stop to say hello and have a chat if we met on campus. He will be missed very much. I am sorry that I was unable to attend the funeral today but this is to let you know that I am thinking of you all. I am sending you my sympathy and hope that this helps, if only in a small way. Love and Best Wishes